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  And then I wondered if Evan had sorted it on his side by accident. Whenever we travelled, he was the one in charge of the documents. He'd like to be able to hold on to them. He used to tease me that he didn't want me taking off without him.

  But now, that joking phrase sent a shiver down my spine. Since we had just the one safe, I didn't have to bother trying to remember his combination. But when I stuck my head in his identification folder, I found his passport. I frowned. There were also little bits of something that felt confetti-sized. I pulled out the whole folder and frowned.

  Bits of blue plastic fell out. A whole mound of them, enough for two handfuls. When I looked closer, I realized what I was looking at. My passport. He'd shredded it.

  Shit.

  Had he anticipated this? Had he wondered if at some point, I would say enough was enough and I would try to go?

  I sat back on my heels.

  Think. Think. Think. Think. It wasn't the end of the world. I knew how to do this. I could do this. I tried to walk it through. Okay, I can an expedited passport that would take maybe a little over a week. All I needed was my birth certificate, social security card. The social security card was easy. My mother had that. She'd had that since we were kids.

  I went back to my identification folder and dug around for my birth certificate.

  Jesus Christ, again, torn into shreds. Who did that? Who would do that to someone?

  I walked back and forth. He'd done this to me. Made sure that even if I got the courage to leave, I wouldn't be able to. At least, not right away. He'd made sure that if I ever grew a pair of balls, that I would have to wait, that there would be no fast escape for me, and then he'd have a chance at me.

  I'm so screwed. I couldn't stay here. Sure, Loss and a chain of loss. It was all well and good, but he had identification to prove that he lived here. So, he could get a locksmith to undo whatever I did.

  I couldn't stay here, and I couldn't go to London. At least not yet.

  I was going to have to go home.

  ***

  Lex…

  "You tried to have him kidnapped?"

  I grinned as I sat back on the couch of my mother's stark white office.

  Xander lounged against the floor to ceiling windows as he looked out onto Hyde Park. He looked bored, but I knew him well. He was calculating the light. I could see his fingers moving back and forth as if he was adjusting his angles, adjusting his focus. He was taking pictures. He wasn't even here. Not mentally, anyway.

  Jean Claude paced. Back and forth on a carpet. My mother sat behind her desk, fingers steepled. Chestnut hair cascading over her shoulders. Not a grey hair to be found. As always, she looked stunning.

  I'd always marvelled how my friends had mums who looked so much older. Not mine though. She seemed somehow perpetually poised somewhere in her early 30s. I didn't know because whenever she had a birthday, she wouldn't tell how old she was. Either way, she looked great…especially when she was on the verge of handing someone their arse.

  She wore off-white pants and a casual pale pink sweater. The only pop of color in the room. Jean Claude stuttered. "L-look, I didn't really kidnap him, obviously. He's fine."

  "Yes, but you tried?"

  "I didn't try. I had to keep his skills fresh. Both of their skills fresh. We are on the cusp of something great. Your Majesty—"

  She put up her hand. "Jean Claude, I have told you to stop calling me that. I am not 'Your Majesty'. I no longer have my title, remember?"

  He pursed his lips. "But we can change that."

  She sighed wearily as if this was an old argument between them. "Jean Claude, my cousin sits on the throne. It's not a throne I have known. It's not even a throne my mother knew. We aren't close to it."

  "But we are. There's a lot of talk. People are dissatisfied. They want the old line back."

  "And that's nice for them. But my cousin has made it clear. He has no intention of stepping down. So, we have to live in reality."

  "Look, you live in reality, and I will act as if the future can change."

  She sighed and sat back. "Lex, are you all right?"

  I frowned. "You should see the other guy." I was sore, and I had a cut under my eye, which was healing. The scrapes on my knuckles had healed days ago. So I was basically fine. Pissed off, but fine.

  But Xander, from his pose eyed me skeptically. "And when you say we should see the other guy, how many others were there?"

  I shrugged. "Three."

  Jean Claude rolled his eyes. "Lex apparently, we need to work on your restraint. I suggest you go back to training."

  I shrugged. "You can train me all you want, but I will show as much restraint as I feel like at the time."

  Jean Claude winced. Xander just smirked. "You took on three guys by yourself?"

  "Yeah, where were you, brother? I was worried maybe you've gotten kidnapped."

  "Me? I think the whole world knows better than to fuck with me."

  I winced inwardly at his reference. The whole world took him as the dangerous one. The whole world thought he was the one who was out of control. And he was out of control or had been for a time there. But it was me, the second son, the one who was the true menace, but no one knew it.

  My mother sat forward. "Jean Claude, this is enough. You've been with the family for a long time. And so I let some things slide. But this... you will not put my sons' lives into danger."

  Xander raised his hand. "I just want to note that no one has tried to faux kidnap me in a while. Everyone too scared?"

  Jean Claude pursed his lips. "Your Highness, I am more than happy to send men to faux kidnap you, but we all know that you are unsuitable as an heir for your mother. So you won't be the actual target."

  I ground my teeth. I hated the way people casually dismissed him. I hated even more that he didn’t give a fuck. "Let's be clear, Xander is the oldest. I'm just a spare."

  I knew Jean Claude didn't like it. And my mother didn't like me fighting with him. But he wasn't going to treat my brother that way, whether or not Xander gave a shit. "Xander is firstborn."

  Jean Claude tugged at his jacket. "He may be the eldest, but given his — history — me and your mother's other advisers think it's best that Xander not be a consideration as the heir. He's undesirable." He slid a glance to Xander along with a shrug that said, sorry, but true.

  Xander waved him off. "No skin off my chest. I'd make a terrible ruler anyway. Besides, I'm a photographer. That's my life. That's my vocation. That's my dream. I have everything I want. I don't want to be a prince."

  I sat forward then. "I don't want to be a prince either."

  Jean Claude threw up his hands then. "You, might not have a choice. And we need a viable heir. So, if both of you forfeit your chances, we'll be stuck with your cousin Derrick, from the Winston Isles."

  I wrinkled my nose at that. I loathed Derrick. "Let him have it. I'm telling you now, I'd make a shitty prince."

  My mother slapped her desk. "Everybody be quiet. There's nothing to worry about. My cousin is still sitting on the throne. So tomorrow we're going to wake up as normal and do the same thing we did today. Live our lives. My grandparents and my mother were consumed with getting back on the throne. I never chose to live that way. I live with the truth in front of me. And the truth is, I am not Queen. If ever. So I'm not going to live my life as if I were. And I should point out to you Jean Claude that if I were, by some fluke, become Queen, both my sons are my heirs, both are eligible. You will follow them because I say so."

  Jean Claude sighed. "Fair enough, my lady, but how do we know? It'll be a whole of a lot easier if they looked and acted the part."

  Well, I thought, good luck there. Because even though they didn't know it, I knew I was no kind of prince. And if any of this shit should ever come into fruition, the first thing I would do is step down and hand my cousin the crown. Royalty or not, all I ever wanted was my freedom.

  Chapter 3<
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  Lex…

  I thrashed as the darkness threatened to overtake me. “No. Please. We’ll be good. Please…Don’t hurt him.”

  Wet, cloying, cold wracked my body with shivers. Distantly, I saw a figure silhouetted by light, and I reached for it. Desperate for help and companionship, I twisted to try to reach it, but the silhouette remained forever out of range. When the darkness overtook, burning pain seared through my body.

  With a cough and a silent strangled cry, I bolted upright in bed, panting for air. Sweat clung to my skin, and my sheets were twisted around my legs.

  Like many nights before this one, I freed himself and dragged my now-wet T-shirt over my head, then tossed it toward the hamper. It used to be months and months between nightmares, now it was days. Any first-year psychology student could tell me it was stress. My birthday was coming up, and with it, the anniversary of the one night I never wanted to remember.

  I wasn’t an idiot though, the dreams started again right around the time my mother’s royal bombshell was dropped. My subconscious was out to torture me.

  With everything adding to the pressure cooker, the one beacon of light was the impending sale of my small software company. Even with this new royal bullshit, it meant freedom. Not just financially, but from the oppressive disappointment of my father. And it meant if I walked away from my mother’s apparent legacy I’d be okay.

  I knew why I was having the dreams. I understood it exactly so I wasn’t going to spin out. Though, what I wouldn’t give for a week of dreamless nights.

  Throwing off the sheets, I climbed out of bed and stalked to the dresser. As I dragged on a new T-shirt, I noticed the light coming from underneath the door. I padded into the living room to find the television still on and a lithe brunette huddled in the corner of my couch with a quilted throw slung around her shoulders. “Gemma, what are you still doing up?”

  She turned wide eyes toward me. “I got caught up watching horror movies, and then I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Yeah, well, that makes two of us.” I shrugged.

  She narrowed her gaze and studied me. “Another nightmare?”

  I stiffened. I didn’t like her knowing about my demons. “No big deal. I’m going to get some water and head back to bed.” I glanced at the clock over the television. It was only one thirty. I’d only managed an hour and a half of sleep so far. “I assume you’re staying the night?”

  Gemma nodded. “Yeah. I’m knackered. No point driving back to the house just to go crash in bed at home when I can sleep here.”

  I only nodded. Gemma crashing at my place was nothing new. “Should I bother telling you that the guest-room is all made up, or are you planning on sleeping on the couch?”

  She grinned sheepishly. “I could fib and tell you I’m going to bed, but we both know I’m just going to pass out right here.”

  I shook my head. Since Uni, we’d spent too many nights like this. Neither of us wanting to go home or be alone. To the outside world, we were the perfect couple. No one would believe it if they knew the truth behind the veil. That for years I’d been protecting her, pretending to be her boyfriend. Given the day, it was such bullshit. But her family was old gentry. And stupid. If anyone found out she was into girls, she’d lose everything, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.

  “Your dad at home?”

  She nodded but didn’t meet my gaze. “Yeah, so I figured it best to avoid him as much as possible while he’s here. It’s only for a week, then back to normal.”

  Gemma didn’t have to explain avoiding her father to me. The old man traveled on business most of the time and only came home for a week out of the month. While home, he generally made Gemma’s life hell with his bigoted views. No one should have to endure some of the things he said in her presence. “Stay as long as you like.”

  “Thanks.” She scratched her nose. “Uhm, Lex?”

  “Yeah, Gem?”

  “You’re a really good friend to let me crash and stuff.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. I knew where the meandering path she’d taken would lead, and I was in no mood for sharing. “Stop. It’s what you would do for me.”

  “Yeah. I suppose. Just, you know, after everything we’ve been through, and everything you’ve done for me, you never let me be there for you.”

  I forced a casual smile. “That’s because I don’t need anything. When I do, you’ll be the first I call.” In another life, if things had been different, maybe Gemma and I would have been the perfect couple we portrayed.

  “Lex, I notice, you know. The nightmares. The fact that you talk, sometimes shout in your sleep. I notice.”

  Fuck. What dark and slithering secret had my brain released when I’d been too out of it to control myself?

  “What do I say in my sleep?” I cocked my head and tried for a look that was humored and indifferent. “Am I calling out Gigi Hadid’s name? Because that’s entirely possible.”

  Gemma flattened her lips. “You never really say anything I can understand, but that’s not the point. I love you, so I worry.” She slid her gaze away. “Maybe you can talk to Xander.”

  I gritted my teeth. I was not going to call my brother. That was the last person I could talk to about any of this shit. I worked hard to school my expression. “I appreciate the concern. Honestly, I do. But you have nothing to worry about. Now get some sleep.”

  Instead of heading for the kitchen, I headed back for the bedroom—I didn’t want her watching me too closely. She thought she wanted to know my secrets, but the darkness inside me would change how she looked at me forever.

  I was unlovable. That much I knew to be fact.

  ***

  Lex…

  In the morning, I was still foggy from lack of sleep, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have work to do.

  “Are you two sure you want to sell this company? With venture capital funding, you can expand the lifestyle brand of Take Back the Night.” Annabel Smith, their solicitor, asked Nick and I carefully.

  They glanced at each other briefly before they both nodded.

  I spoke first. “Nick and I have given this a good deal of thought. We want to eventually become the venture capitalists for small scrappy companies like this and prepare them either for sale, like we’re doing, or to go public. A lot of people out there have great ideas but don’t know how to follow through. We’ve figured out how. We might do another small company again and sell that to make sure our feet are well and properly sodden, but we’re selling.”

  Nick added, “We want to strike while the iron’s hot. Before someone else comes and tries to copy it with something subpar. First to market is key.”

  She nodded. “And Toshino, Inc. is banking on that with their purchase. But their team has asked again if you won’t both stay on to run it and lend your names to increase the value.”

  “That’s a nonstarter,” I said.

  Nick agreed. “Look, Annabelle, we’ve both worked hard to distance ourselves from our pasts. My name might tarnish the brand. While this is meant to be an app for the want-to-be jetsetter, Take Back the Night is still aiming for the elite kind of clientele. That’s the whole point. If you start attaching the name Wexler to it, you’ll get every low-level sleaze ball from here to Dubai who wants to party with the big boys. Our business clients bank on the exclusivity and the class. They won’t be thrilled with riff raff joining up. And unfortunately, the Wexler name comes with riff raff.”

  She sighed and swished her red hair over her shoulder. “Any way to change your mind, Lex? The Chase name screams luxury. Hell, even royalty. We’ve already taken the steps to protect you from your father’s corporate raiding.”

  I might have different reasons than Nick for keeping my anonymity, but I was still not lending my name. “Sorry, Annabelle, no can do. Even if we do manage to keep the sale quiet until it’s final, when my father does find out, he’s going to make attempts to block it. To try to claim it for CE
T. I want to be as separate from him as humanly possible.”

  She shook her head, no doubt lamenting the loss of additional commission if she’d garnered them a bigger deal. “Very well. Toshino, Inc. is presenting this as their offer.” She slid the paperwork in their direction. “It’s understandably smaller because of the removed brand recognition. But it should make the two of you happy.”

  The offer was in the ballpark of what I had expected. And it meant I could tell my father to shove it. “That’s fair.”

  “That’s a lot of fucking zeros,” Nick mumbled.

  “Well, you fronted the initial capital so you should know the valuation,” I said.

  Nick’s eyes bugged. “Yeah, mate, but it’s one thing to know theoretically what it’s worth. It’s another, entirely, to see that number put down in front of you.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “To be honest, Lex, I thought you were full of bollocks.”

  I laughed. “So you sunk your money into something you thought was bullshit?”

  “More like I sunk it because you told me to. I have faith in you, but I couldn’t see what you could see. But fuck, mate. I see it now.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or punch him. “Well, thank you for the glowing endorsement.” I turned my attention to Annabel. “Are they still insisting I sit as CEO?”

  She nodded. “Yes, you’ll see it in line 4 section A. You’re to sit as CEO for a term no shorter than six months following the sale of the company. At the end of that term, they will pay you a generous severance.” Her smile grew broader. “Between now and then, as long as you two don’t receive any undue negative press, you’ll be golden.”

  I barely heard what she said the rest of the meeting. All I knew was my freedom was so close I could taste it.

  Chapter 4

  Abbie…

  It wasn’t exactly like I ran away from home. But after thirty days of waiting for my new damn passport and enduring my mother’s machinations to get me back In Evans life, well as Evan’s full blown apology tour, I couldn’t be blamed for leaving on a red eye and telling no one I was going.