Big Ben Read online

  I nodded up and down. I would have agreed to anything at that point. Anything at all. His thumb slid over my clit, and I yelled out. “Oh my God.”

  He did it again, slower this time. Applying more pressure to my clit, and my hips bucked up off the couch. “More... please.”

  “You’re gorgeous.” He parted my folds and slid a finger inside me. “So wet. Have you ever been wet like this before?”

  My head thrashed back and forth. “Ben….”

  And then his mouth, oh God, his mouth, he planted it over my clit as he added a second finger, his fingers making shallow thrusts as his mouth worked on my clit, sucking, teasing, pulling me deep down under the abyss. Oh fuck, I was going to die. I was going to die just like this. With Ben Covington owning me.

  And that should’ve terrified me, but it didn’t because I was ready. Any way he wanted to have me, any way he wanted to own me, I was his. And I had known that long before I had gotten on the plane and come to Paris. It had just taken that moment of his raw need to make me realize it.

  He pulled his fingers from me. “How do you like it? Soft? Hard? Gentle presses? Hard presses?”

  “I don’t know. Just anything... something.”

  He slid another finger back in. “Like this?” His thrusts deepened, but the single penetration of one finger wasn’t enough. My inner walls pulled him in, and he gave me a devilish smile as he glanced back up at me. “Do you like it like this? Or do you like it like this?” He slid another finger inside me, and I arched my back.

  “Like this. Like this, God.”

  “Now do me a favor and come for me once, because I need to see it.” His voice had taken on this smoky quality.

  And then his mouth was back on me. Sucking, licking, taking me to the edge, making me feel alive. Begging me to fall, begging me to come apart and give him what he needed from me.

  And I was close. So close. Writhing on his big palm and underneath his mouth as he owned me. I reached for freedom. Reached for the new me. The woman he promised was underneath everything else. I reached for her and she danced on the edges, hair wild, smile bright, hips swaying, calling to me, telling me that I could be free. I could have everything. All I needed to do was fall. She may have been wearing the devil’s own wings, but I didn’t care. I just wanted everything he could give me, and God, I was so close. “Yes, right there—”

  Somewhere in the room, music started to play. The sounds of Lizzo asking why men were great till they had to be great filled the room, and I froze.

  Ben didn’t seem to notice at first because his mouth kept working. Sucking. Licking.

  And he almost managed to drag me back under and make me forget. But Lizzo’s voice only grew louder, talking about how she’d just taken a DNA test and turned out she was a hundred percent that bitch.

  And I knew who was calling. Telly had changed my ringtone for Dexter. I shook, my orgasm within reach, so damn close. But instead of all-encompassing bliss taking over, a feeling of dread settled over me.

  “Ben, wait.”

  His snapped his head up. “Livy?”

  I scooted away from him and he released me immediately, his finger sliding out of me, as he groaned.

  “Stop. Please stop.” I scooted to the edge of the couch and covered my face. As if that was going to solve my problem.

  Ben backed off immediately, allowing me some space but not too much. “Hey, you’re okay.”

  “I’m such a mess.”

  “No, you’re not.” He inched closer. “Let me hold you.”

  When I only bit my lip in response, he gave me a soft smile. “I’m only going to hold you. It’s okay if you’re not ready yet.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He took my hands and tilted my chin up, so I had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Don’t be. This is happening. And when it does, it’s going to blow the bloody roof off of both of us. You left things a little unsettled back home. So you come to me when you’re ready.”

  “I—”

  “We’re happening. I’ve come to terms with that. Now it’s your turn. I should also warn you that I’m impatient, so if you take too long, I’ll be forced to remind you how good we are together.”

  I shook my head. “You are so damn arrogant.”

  “I know. It’s why you’re going to fall in love with me.”

  I froze. L-O-V-E. Did he just say that word to me? He didn’t seem to even notice. He just grabbed the blanket and pulled it over us as he tucked me into his side, seeming so sure that I belonged there.

  24

  Ben

  As rain pelted the windshield, And our driver traversed the rain slicked streets, I held my fingers entwined with Livy’s for most of our trip back. Waking up with her was the most relaxed I’d been in years maybe.

  This was a dangerous game.

  I knew the stakes. But once everything had aligned in my mind, I couldn’t fathom giving her up. Like it or not she was mine. Mine to protect. Mine to cherish. Mine to love if she’d let me.

  You sound as crazy as Fenton.

  That wanker was getting slapped with a protection order as soon as we settled back at the hotel. I was done with her being afraid. And I was done keeping things from her. I’d tell her everything tonight. I first needed to tell the lads about Rowan, because we needed to set plans in motion. And I’d warn them. My secrets, unfortunately, were their secrets. I had to tell them first.

  She turned her head to smile at me. “You know, you’ve been holding on to me like you think I might run.”

  “I’ll find you if you do. “

  “And if I don’t want to be found?”

  I lifted a brow. “Do you not want to be found?”

  She laughed, the sound so light, it elevated me out of the darkness of my thoughts. “That’s not the point.”

  “I already told, you. We are happening. I can be only so patient.”

  She licked her lips, and I watched her tongue with rapt interest. “I’ll deal with Dexter and the house and all of that. You’re right. It does seem like we are inevitable.”

  I lifted my brows. “Did I hear that correctly? Did you just say I was right?”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “I know. It’s my best tra—”

  The car hit a slick patch and we fishtailed. I immediately tightened my hold on Livy’s hand and the hand grip above the door. Livy gasped, then squeezed her eyes shut tight. Our driver muttered what sounded like an expletive as he fought to control the car.

  We finally came to a stop at the side of the road, bumping into one of the guard rails. The mini collision jostled us in the back seat enough to make my teeth rattle.

  I reached for her immediately. She had her fingers to her temples and rocked back and forth. “Livy! Livy, you all right?”

  Todd, our driver, turned around. “Sorry about that. Let me just get quick photos for the accident report. I’m sure it’s minor, but still.”

  I wanted to rip him a new arsehole, but right now my concern was her.

  She kept holding her head. “Ben…”

  I unlatched my belt so I could pull her close and rub her back. “Yeah, I’m right here. I will have him severely reprimanded just as soon as we get you back. Let me call a doctor and have him wait for us at the hotel.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m fine. I just—” Her dark eyes met mine. “I remember.”

  “Remember what?”

  “The accident. Just now. We started to spin, and I could see it.”

  “Fuck, I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted was to have you triggered.”

  Livy grabbed my arm. “No, it’s a good thing. I wasn’t driving. He was.”

  My eyes went wide. “Just when I think he couldn’t be more of an asshole he surprises me.”

  “Can you take me home?”

  “Over my dead body. You need to get checked out. And I’m not letting you near him.”

  “Ben, I’m fine. You’re fine. At most, we have a few scratches on
the car. It was more a scare than anything else.”

  I ground my teeth. “I’d like to be sure.”

  “And I’d like to take care of this once and for all. He’s stolen enough of my life from me. I want this done.”

  “Fine, but I’m staying with you.”

  “You will do no such thing, Ben Covington. You were right. We are inevitable. But you have to let me do this my way.”

  “If you think I’m going to leave you behind, you’ve grossly underestimated my desire to keep you safe from harm. Not bloody happening.”

  Her lips pressed together, and I could sense that she was going to unleash her barely contained rage. “I won’t be able to do this with you there. Can’t you see that?”

  I could but I didn’t care. “Answer is still no.”

  She dragged in a deep breath. “Fine. Leave me with Todd here. He doubles as security, right?”

  He did, but clearly, he was a git who couldn’t drive. “No. Not him. He doesn’t take enough precautions with your life.”

  “For the love of God. It was an accident.” She crossed her arms and I could see the gears in her brain working. She wouldn’t let any of this go until she’d dealt with pencil dick.

  “Fine. I’ll call and have someone meet us there, and Todd can take me back to the hotel. Call me when you’re done, and I’ll pick you up myself.”

  She threw up her hands. “You are the most stubborn, obstinate, pain in—”

  I lifted a brow and took one of her hands in mine. “That’s a yes.”

  “See, was that so hard?”

  I’d said yes, but it didn’t sit right by me. What if, after everything, she still chose him?

  But then I looked down at our entwined fingers. No. She was mine. She just had to admit it to herself.

  Livy

  I knew what I had to do. There was no point in putting it off any longer. At the end of the day, I couldn’t accept that ring.

  I’d known it before I left on Friday.

  I knew it even more now. Dexter was a liar. He’d used my guilt to manipulate me. I didn’t even recognize the man I used to love. He was gone.

  And as much as it had something to do with how much our relationship had deteriorated, it was more about me. This wasn’t about my feelings for Ben, though they were there and unavoidable and intense.

  Somewhere along the line, I had changed, and he’d changed. And there was no going back. No recovering from that. He’d broken us.

  I let myself in the flat, and Dexter was waiting for me. “Oh, I didn’t realize you’d be waiting.”

  His brows rose. “I didn’t expect you home. I figured you’d send Telly over to get your things.”

  My fury choked against my leash of control. “Dex look, you probably know what’s coming, and I do need to talk to you. I think this conversation had been coming for a long time.”

  He raised a hand. “Look, I know you’re probably angry, and I don’t want to get into a huge fight. But I need you to hear me out.”

  I was so tired. And I regretted insisting on coming alone. I wanted Ben’s strong arms around me right now. “I’m done, Dexter. I’m done hearing you out. I’m done listening to your excuses.” I frowned. “You made me believe I was driving that night.”

  He went pale. “Y-you were.”

  “No, you asshole. It is not the time to double down on that lie.”

  He licked his lips. “Okay, look. It seems bad, but I’ve had a drunken driving offense before, and I couldn’t have another one. You were out of it, and I just put you under the wheel.”

  “For six months you’ve lied to me. Made me feel guilty. Used me.”

  “That’s not what it was. I just, I messed up. You weren’t drinking, so it just looked like an accident. They didn’t even investigate closely because you were clean. There was no harm.”

  “There was harm. You did me harm every time you tried to blame your injuries on me. God. Were you ever even injured?”

  “I did hurt my hand.”

  “Clearly not very much because you were able to move me to the driver’s seat.”

  He started to pace and ran his supposedly injured hand through his hair. “It just all got away from me. Fuck. Everything was bloody fine until you took that job. This is Ben Covington’s fault. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist poisoning you against me.”

  I could see it so clearly now. The blatant narcissism. The delusions of grandeur. Had he always been like this and I’d just been too dumb to see it?

  Suddenly, all I felt was utter exhaustion. “Dexter, I’m not angry. I’m numb and empty. If I’m being honest, I think I always knew. I just didn’t want to see it, admit it.”

  He glared at me “How can you not be angry? That’s the problem, you don’t care enough.”

  I blinked at him. “Wh-what?”

  “The accident. The fact that I’ve been sleeping with someone else. You can’t even muster the energy to give a shit. How am I supposed to feel loved and desired like that?”

  His words were a punch to the gut. “What?” I hadn’t said a thing about him sleeping with someone. Sure, that pretty redhead from his office had given me pause, but had I missed some obvious sign?

  “What? Like Covington didn’t tell you?”

  My brain whirled, and I shook my head, trying to get a handle on the conversation that was happening. “I don’t understand what the hell you are saying.”

  My stomach churned. Then nausea threatened to take over. Dexter stood then and started to pace. All I could do was drop my bag where I stood and then sink down onto the ottoman.

  “You’re telling me, he didn’t tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  He ran his hands through his hair, tugging. “He didn’t fucking tell you? Why wouldn’t he? He clearly wanted to fuck you.”

  My stomach squeezed as I thought of what we’d done last night. “Back the fuck up, Dexter. What is going on?”

  “What do you think I’m talking about?”

  I stared at him. “I have no idea. I thought you were talking about the fact that I can’t accept that engagement ring and that we haven’t been right in months. But you’re talking about you cheating on me? And what the hell did Ben have to do with this?”

  He shook his head. “I—”

  “The cat is out of the bag. You might as well just say what you need to say.”

  He paced and ran his fingers through his hair and then over his face. “Okay look, I thought he’d told you. I just need a second.”

  “What, a second to lie? No, say what you’re going to say.”

  He stopped and glared at me. “Fine. You were so depressed all the time. You were always moaning about your mom, and you really weren’t there for me.”

  “Wait, so you’re blaming me because my mother died and I’d been grieving? She died six months ago. So you decided you should cheat on me?”

  “No, it wasn’t like that. It was not like a decision I made. It was just—it just happened. I missed so much work because of my hand. And—”

  I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. First, he told me he cheated on me only because somehow, he thought Ben would have told me. And then he blamed me. And now he thought that I was going to overlook this and just let it go? I stared up at him. On the outside, he was still the same tall, handsome man I’d fallen in love with. It wasn’t so much that he’d changed; it was that I was seeing him more clearly now. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened, and why in the world do you think Ben knows anything about it?”

  He sighed. “Look, why can’t we just move past this?”

  “We can’t move past anything until you tell me the truth.”

  He sat across from me on the couch and took my hands. “Okay, look. Things were so messed up after your mom died, and I didn’t know how to help you. You were just so sad. Then, I messed up with the promotion, and it was just a mess at work. You weren’t really there for me, and then we had the accident
. You didn’t remember how it happened, and you know, you had your injuries and I had mine. Then I started physical therapy, and Andrea, she used to really get me, you know? It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done that to you, but I was grieving too. And I didn’t handle it the right way. I should have talked to you. We should have gone to more therapy or something. Taken it more seriously. But here we are.”

  “Why do you think that Ben knew anything about it? He’s my boss, why would he know anything?”

  He swallowed hard then. He gripped my hands tighter, and I could feel the clamminess of his skin. All I wanted to do was pull my hands out of his, but he held on too tight. It was like a poison he’d created around me. “At the fundraiser, I didn’t think you were coming. And Andrea was there. He caught us in the conference room.”

  There was nothing for me to do but blink at him. “My boss, Ben Covington, caught you screwing your girlfriend at the fundraising event?”

  He inhaled sharply. “She’s not my girlfriend. It was just a fling.”

  “You’ve been sleeping with her. Shagging her. Fucking her. Whatever you want to say. But you have the nerve to stand here and accuse me of something happening with Ben?”

  “Oh, come on, I could see how he looked at you.”

  I smiled at him. “Maybe you’re right about how he looks at me, and you know what? Maybe you’re right about how I look at him.”

  He nodded. “See? I told you. You slag!”

  The insult rolled off of me like I was Teflon. “The difference is I didn’t shag him. Because I thought I owed you the respect of tying this off because of our relationship, and I wanted to make sure that I had a clean slate before I did anything. But I guess none of that was necessary.”

  “Don’t act so fucking spoiled. People have affairs all the time. It’s no reason not to get married. I want to build my life with you.”

  I pushed to my feet, tired and numb. But the more I thought about it, the look on Ben’s face as he assessed Dexter when he first met him, the way he’d wanted to make sure I had a perfect day in Paris, the tender way he held me when he kissed me, he’d known all that time. And he’d lied just like Dexter had.