Big Ben Read online

  I forced myself to smile at Fenton. More of a gritting of teeth really. “Just one moment please.” I pulled Dexter aside. “Dexter, I told you he makes me uncomfortable. Please don’t leave me with him.”

  “Oh, just stop being such a fucking cunt. That’s my boss. The least you can do is help me grease the political office wheels a little bit, yeah?”

  My stomach turned. “What the fuck do you mean grease the wheels?”

  “He’s going to notice you’re always rude. You never want to do dinner, you won’t even talk to him at events, and you won’t dance with him.”

  “I didn’t realize it was my job to dance with your boss. And I do all those other things. To support you. But you’re going to go back inside and leave me with him? That makes me really uncomfortable.”

  “Well it’s not my problem. Leave if you want. It’s not like you ever gave a shit about my career anyway.”

  I winced as if I’d been slapped. “Are you being serious? Or are you taking the piss?”

  “I don’t even know what you’re doing here.”

  I straightened my back. “You know what, neither do I.”

  I couldn’t even watch him walk inside. But when I turned, and Fenton was right there not two steps away. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear. Look, I’m sorry if my presence causes you discomfort.”

  I swallowed hard. “Look, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s just… I like my space.”

  He sighed. “But you recognize I’m just trying to help.”

  I tried to choose my words carefully since I was now outside, alone, with a man who made me uncomfortable. “And it’s kind of you to be so helpful. Dexter thinks the world of you.” There I was, doing it again. Making excuses for him, always trying to smooth the way. But he’d just left me. Like I was nothing.

  “Why don’t you let me take you home? You know Dex. He’s had too much to drink. We can try to figure out a solution for him.”

  How exactly did one say fuck that noise politely? I was sure there was a way to do that. “That’s all right. I think I’ll just call an Uber.”

  He chuffed a laugh. “You know, Dex told me what happened. That you got mugged after the event. I was horrified. If you had just listened, did as I told you and took my car or let me take you home, none of that would have happened.”

  No, but something much worse would have. Something I needed to avoid now.

  “Possibly. But I don’t think one is related to the other. And I just want to go home and get to sleep.”

  He took my upper arm in a tight grip. “Let me help you. You never take my help. Never say thank you for what I’ve done for Dexter. It’s distressing. It’s like you don’t understand how much I’ve done for you.”

  Bile churned in my belly. “Mr. Mills, you’re hurting me.”

  He stared down at his hand, brows knit tight. “Stop being melodramatic. I’m not hurting you. I’m just trying to explain to you how it could be. Just let me take care of you. We’re all a family here. I can give you what you need.”

  “I have what I need, Mr. Mills, thank you.” I tried to pull my arm free, but he just tightened the vise. “Ow. I really need you to let me go.”

  His eyes roamed over my face. “So beautiful, but so ungrateful.”

  He pulled me closer, and I recoiled from the stench of gin. I hated that smell. Stale gin on the breath, there was nothing worse than that. “Let me go. Now.”

  His gaze narrowed. “You’re such an ungrateful—”

  “I think the lady told you to get your hands off her.”

  Goose bumps prickled my skin. I knew that voice. Did I dare pray.

  “Mind your business, mate.” Fenton spat. “My lady friend and I are having a conversation.”

  Ben’s voice lowered to a growl. “Well, considering she works for me, she is my business.”

  I whipped my head around to find Ben taking long strides along the sidewalk.

  He was here.

  For me.

  “She’s asked you nicely to let her go. If you don’t, I will do the asking. I’ll be less than kind about it.”

  Fenton’s fingers dug deeper into my flesh, and I winced. “Mr. Mills, let me go.”

  And then Ben was on us. Where Fenton held my arm, Ben’s palm engulfed his hand. And then slowly, I felt the pressure loosen.

  Fenton’s eyes went wide, and his mouth hung open in pain. “Ah, let me go, you piece of shit. There will be repercussions for this.”

  Ben scowled at him. “Yes, there will. For you. Not for me.” He then wrapped an arm around me, pulled me tight to his side, and scuttled me along the sidewalk.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I had a meeting scheduled. He was a no-show, and I was headed back to the office. I almost took the car, but I’m glad I decided to walk.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Looks like we keep saving each other.”

  I tried to blink away the impending tears. I was not going to let him see me cry.

  “Where am I taking you? And let me be really clear. You’re not going anywhere Fenton Mills will have access to you. Or knows about.”

  “Uh, I’ll call Telly. I’ll go to her flat.”

  He gave a terse nod. “Fine, call her. The car is up ahead. I’ll take you there.”

  “Ben, you don’t have to.”

  He paused and turned me to face him. “I think you and I both need to get on the same page here. For some reason, we are linked. You came barging into my life three weeks ago, and neither one of us has been able to shake the other. Stop apologizing and stop asking me to not take care of you. It seems you’re mine now. Like a wayward kitty.”

  “Is that because you licked me? Now I belong to you?”

  His quick grin was merciless. “I haven’t even licked you yet. When I do, you’ll know.”

  Livy

  As it turned out, Telly couldn’t find a fuck at the fuck store left to give when it came to Dexter. “He left you with Fenton?”

  “Yes.” This was the third time I’d had to recount the story. Telly grew more and more incredulous each time. She paced back and forth. Carmen watched her and just sat there rubbing my back and made sure I sipped the tea they’d given me.

  “He fucking left you with that creep, Mills?”

  “Yes, Tell.”

  “And then Fenton tried to attack you?”

  “I wouldn’t exactly use that word. He tried to make me go with him, and I told him no. And he was just gripping me so tight.” Why wasn’t I able to come out and say the word? It had been an assault. He’d put his hands on me without my permission. That’s what had happened, but I felt like I couldn’t say the ugly thing.

  That was when Carmen frowned down at my arm, at the bruises now starting to turn purple on my flesh.

  Carmen, as far as I could tell, was a pacifist. She was sweet and kind and never really raised her voice. With her long hair and her penchant for wearing flowers, I always considered her kind of a hippie. She was a doctor though and had already applied salve. She pulled out the bandages as she spoke. “If I find him, I’ll kill him myself.”

  Telly met her gaze. “Carmen, you’re beautiful, and you are amazing. But I will fight you for that right.”

  Oh God. Things were taking a turn. Before the night was out, Telly might form a posse like in the American Old Westerns she loved so much. “Turns out neither one of you has to do it. Ben already did.” I hadn’t really explained much when I’d rung up, Just the Dexter and Fenton part.

  Telly stopped pacing and raised a brow. “As in sexy office Ben?”

  I sighed. Must I really play into his arrogance with that nickname. “Yes, as in sexy office Ben.”

  A slow smile spread over her lips. “Uh-huh. So why were you and Ben there together?”

  “No, I was not there with Ben. He had a meeting nearby.”

  “And he just rode into the war to save you?”

  “Well, you know to be fair, he was the reason I ne
eded saving in the first place.”

  Telly crossed her arms. “Explain.”

  I quickly ran over the incident at the office. Throughout, Telly and Carmen stared at me as if I had seven heads. “Say something, you guys.”

  Carmen just laughed. Telly, for once in her life, could find no words. Finally, she said, “So you kissed your boss?”

  “No, he kissed me. But I kissed him back.”

  Telly counted out the points on her fingers. “Okay, so he kissed you, you kissed him back, and then you went to tell Dexter?”

  “I don’t know what I meant to tell Dexter if I’m being honest. I just knew what I did was wrong and terrible, so I don’t know, I wanted to lean into my relationship. It’s no surprise that things have been difficult with us. I wanted to recommit or something dumb like that.”

  “But remember him and that redhead. I promise you your instincts are spot on there. Don’t ignore them.”

  “I don’t have any proof he did anything with her.” My brain, oh so helpfully, replayed the night’s events for me. “The things he said to me, Telly, it’s like he hates me. And I don’t understand what I’ve ever done to him.”

  “All you’ve ever done is try to help him. Sometimes people don’t want to be helped.”

  “Tonight was horrible. And I know I can never see him again. And I know I deserve better, but there is this tiny part of me that feels awful, like I’m abandoning him.”

  “It’s not abandonment when someone you care about puts you in a dangerous situation. Then it’s called survival. And you are a survivor, aren’t you?”

  I swallowed nodded. “I am.”

  “Then yeah, I think you have your answer right there.”

  I tried hugging my knees in hopes that it would help me feel more whole instead of more fractured. “Yeah. You’re right.”

  “I know.”

  “So, what do I do about Ben?”

  Carmen had the perfect answer for me. “You shag him so good his dick falls off. It’s been a long time since I’ve shagged a bloke. I don’t normally miss it. But if he’s that fit… Telly, you fancy a third sometime?”

  Telly’s laugh was rich. “Only if he looks like her boss. Because wowsa.”

  I laughed so hard I snorted. “Oh my God. I wonder if I can break it from overuse?”

  Telly nodded. “Hey, why don’t you try it out and tell us.”

  I couldn’t believe I could even laugh right now. “I’m not shagging him. I don’t know, it’s like we’ve sort of become friends. And then well today happened.”

  Telly nodded. “Are you sure becoming friends with the hot man you want to shag is a good idea?”

  “I’m not shagging anybody. If Dexter and I are done, I need to put it to bed and then deal with my own shit before I bring anyone else in. I’m still grieving Mom, I have a complete wanker for a boyfriend, and I just got a new job. I have a lot going on.”

  “Good point,” conceded Telly.

  “I know. I need to deal with it and soon.”

  “And then you’ll be free.” Telly took my hand and squeezed. “I promise you. None of this will kill you.”

  I wished I could believe her.

  17

  Ben

  Blake Boynton, the little shit, had canceled on me last night. And good thing too, or I couldn’t have been there for Livy.

  Just thinking about that fucker, Mills, with his hands on her made me want to murder him. I’d never put in a name for a sanction, not once in the ten years I’d been in the Elite. But I was going to put Fenton Mills’ name in, and I didn’t give a shit.

  If an Elite member called for sanctions, they had the option of stating their reason or not. Throughout a member’s tenure, they could only call one no-disclosure sanction. All other sanctions needed to be disclosed to the members. Since I never wanted to drag Livy’s name into the Elite, I’d call for a no-disclosure sanction.

  But who will you call it against? Her idiot boyfriend or his idiot boss? It was a close one, but Fenton was the one who’d had his hands on her, so he would be the recipient of my sanction, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

  With a sanction, the membership systematically dismantled someone’s life. Secrets revealed. Affairs leaked. The only exception would be if they had children. Children were off-limits.

  Yesterday and last night had been a complete clusterfuck. I needed to get back on an even keel. I’d head out for this run to meet Blake in the park. The run would do me good. Let me clear my head.

  Because there was still the little matter of me wanting to shag my operations director, and keeping my distance was getting more and more difficult.

  I took the tube down to Regent’s Park, not even concerned about the crowd of tourists. I knew my way around enough to avoid them entirely.

  But there was something about the energy and vibe of London that was just what I needed. It was an unusually warm spring morning, and it felt good to have the nip of the air flowing to my lungs as I ran.

  When you became one of the Elite, it was expected that you learn about things from military strategy to self-defense. Once you were tapped in secondary school, your training began in earnest. Then, over the course of five years, you became Elite in all ways, but you could specialize in certain areas.

  Those who wanted to go into politics chose their path and received more strategic and diplomatic training. That’s where my father would have preferred I go. But I’d followed Bridge and East into business with side training in security and clandestine service. I never got to be James Bond, but it helped knowing I could kick ass when I needed too. But I’d chosen the money path.

  From the beginning, we’d known money was power. After all, the three of us had been controlled by it. And for me it was both a big fuck you to the old man and a step to freedom. Not to mention, I could be with my mates. We’d been given the best business internships with letters of recommendation from Elite members who were titans of industry. My father was right; as much as I wanted to believe we’d done it without the Elite, everything I had couldn’t be separated from what I’d been given.

  So many of us were in the foreign service, politics and clandestine services. The good news was my mates and I were well trained and well versed enough to be able to look out for ourselves. The bad news was so were the people we were determined to take down. Nothing had changed. If we had gone on with our lives without really knowing our culpability or the culpability of the other Elite members concerning Toby’s death, things would have been simple. But I did know. I knew that for ten years Toby hadn’t been able to rest. For ten years, the people who had killed him walked free. For ten years I’d been blind.

  But that was over now. And there was a reckoning coming.

  With my lungs burning, I made a left at the York Bridge entrance and proceeded west before turning at Ormond Terrace and making a loop around Primrose Hill. The views never ceased to amaze me. The yellow, red, and white primroses bloomed merrily along the paths.

  Judging by where I was, I’d already run about four miles, and the meet point in question was in clear view. But no Blake.

  I checked my phone to make sure I’d gotten the meeting location right, and I had.

  After forty-five minutes, I knew he wasn’t coming. Something wasn’t right. Why take the meeting and not show? Had Bram gotten to him already?

  I ducked off a path to run under a bridge, and cement chips flew out toward me, a piece grazing my cheek, making it sting.

  What the fuck?

  I ducked automatically and then heard that tell-tale whizzing.

  That was a bullet. My brain did a mental calculation of where I was and where there would be cover.

  I could run back along the path I’d come down and duck into a restaurant.

  I made a quick right along the bicycle path and running path. Right next to it, there was a darkened pathway I recognized as a classic way to double-back and get to safety. Down here I was too exposed. And I’d be damned if I was going
to die today.

  But two dark figures at the end of the path blocked my way, and I knew I’d misjudged. There would be no easy way out of this. I’d have to fight my way out.

  “Lads, you don’t want to do this. I’m really sweaty and knackered. You don’t want to try to hit me. Your fists will slide right off. It’s going to be bad.”

  The two guys at the end of the short pathway smirked at each other.

  “Okay, so you don’t really care about your own well-being. Fair enough.”

  “I’m happy to kick your arse either way,” the taller one said.

  He was my height but bigger. He was swollen with muscle, and he meant to make quick, efficient work of me. Except, I wasn’t going to be an easy target.

  The one on the left, the darker-haired one, approached first. He was smaller but looked like he moved well.

  “Now, before we get started, just put your guns down. Let’s see if you’re really up to the task.”

  The one on the left smirked at me, while the one on the right looked like he didn’t like that idea at all. He was all business. His friend, though, took pleasure in their assignments.

  Note to self: Do the one on the right first.

  The one on the left made his approach, and I circled around, keeping my eye on the guy with the lighter sandy hair.

  Sandy hair reached for his weapon, and I shook my head at him. “Uh-uh. No, no. Where’s your sense of sport? Tell you what, if I can beat your friend here, you can kick my ass. Does that sound like a fair deal?”

  He chuckled. His accent was all South London. “I’m going to kick your arse anyway, bruv.”

  “Ahh, just a moment ago you looked like you were going to pussy out and shoot me. Let’s at least make it entertaining.” Taunting the guy with the gun when I was unarmed was possibly not my best idea to date.

  But it was all I had. This likely would get into the open street.