Big Ben Page 23

  But why? If he’d told me the truth, I might have given in. Why couldn’t one person in my life tell me the goddamn truth? It was that lie that broke my heart, not Dexter’s. Because the truth was, I’d been done with Dexter long before I’d gotten on that flight to Paris. This was just a technicality. The one I’d wanted out of the way before I could really explore what I was feeling for Ben. But in that moment, what I felt for Ben was nothing but pure rage.

  “I want you out of here.”

  “You can’t kick me out. My name is the one on the lease. Or did you forget?”

  What was he talking about? “Yes, I can. I was on the lease when we got this place.”

  “You were, but you were so busy with your mum when we renewed you told me to go ahead and sign it. You are no longer on the lease. So I won’t be going anywhere.”

  Fuck. Me.

  You don’t want it anyway. “I’ll be back later for my things. Preferably when I don’t have to look at you.” I left my bag where it was, but I grabbed my purse and walked right back out the front door.

  25

  Ben

  I was so raw from Paris, I’d completely forgotten that Bridge and East would be waiting for me when I got home. I don’t even know what made me go to the flat. It was like I was going on autopilot.

  But sure enough, when I arrived, my mates were already inside. I was too exhausted and depleted to even be pissed off or confused.

  Bridge scowled when he saw me. “What the fuck is wrong, mate?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  East and he exchanged glances. “We’re here for an update on Downs.”

  Oh yeah, Downs.

  I dropped my bag by the stairs then shrugged off my jacket and tossed it at the back of the couch. East, the good mate that he was, had already poured me a glass of scotch. Two fingers. Oh, I guess he anticipated the news was bad. I lifted my glass in cheers and then downed the whole thing.

  More glances.

  Bridge sat forward. “What the fuck happened? How much trouble are we in?”

  I shook my head. “On the contrary, we’re not in trouble. No one really knows yet that we’re attempting a coup. Downs suspects only because we’re the only ones in place to make a play. And we’re the only ones who have been vocal in voicing our displeasure with Van Linsted.”

  East drained his glass before leaning against the back of the couch. “Okay, so what does it look like?”

  “Well, the good news is Downs is willing to help us.”

  Bridge rocked as he fisted one hand into his other and nodded. “All right. All right, we’re on play. With Downs backing us, we’re on the fence. We can do this.”

  East grinned but sobered when he looked at me closely. “Yeah. Mate, why don’t you look happier?”

  “Well, because Downs wants something. Something I’m pretty sure we can’t get.”

  East stood up then and crossed his arms. “What the fuck does he want?”

  I laughed as I went over to the bar and poured myself another scotch. I downed it again, letting it burn down my throat, and then the warmth spread to my gut. “He wants the fucking Canary Jewel.”

  Bridge frowned. “What the fuck is the Canary Jewel?”

  East, however, was more in-the-know. He whistled low. “You know that big fuck-off rock that sits on April Van Linsted’s wrist every time there’s a charity event or a big important meeting meant to spoil her son?”

  Bridge’s eyes went wide, and he ran his hand through his hair. “The fucking yellow diamond?”

  I nodded. “Yup, that’s what Downs wants.”

  Bridge started to laugh then. “We’re fucked. We’re blown.”

  I laughed. “Well, we might be, but that’s the thing he wants.”

  East started to pace. “But why does he want us to get it for him?”

  I shook my head. “It seems Grandpa Downs made a fatal error back in the day. He gave the jewel as a gift to his sweetheart and then she backed out of the deal and took the jewel with her and married a Van Linsted, which is why their relationship has been so testy all these years. Past generations have tried to mend those fences by brokering deals, but Downs isn’t interested in that. He wants the jewel back by any means necessary. If we get that for him, he’ll vote with us and sway whoever else we need.”

  Bridge laughed and shook his head. “Well, we’re done then. What, we’re to rob her on the street? It’s impossible.”

  I laughed and poured myself yet another glass of scotch. My lids had started to feel loose and my tongue slightly numb. The alcohol was taking swift effect. I hadn’t eaten a goddamn thing all day. So yeah, I’d be feeling this shit in no time.

  East, on the other hand, was clear-headed and calculating. “Well, it’s not entirely impossible. We could attempt it.”

  Bridge turned around and stared at him. “Are you mad? Corporate raiders, yes. Ruthless billionaires, sure. But we’re not fucking diamond thieves. This isn’t some James Bond flick. If we try to steal from them, we’re dead.”

  I shrugged. “Well, possibly. Or, maybe we happen to know a diamond thief who can steal it for us.”

  Bridge’s gaze snapped to mine, and East laughed. “Of fucking course. If we ask for help, our chances of survival go up twenty-fold, but would he do it?”

  Bridge stared at me. “You’re really going to ask for help from the goddamn prince of the Winston Isles?”

  “Before he was a prince, he was a con man and a thief. I happen to know he’s pulled off a jewelry heist before.”

  Bridge laughed. “Are we really considering this?”

  “Look mate, I’ve just told you what the price is. Whether or not we’re going to risk it is up to us. If we don’t, Van Linsted gets away with what he’s done. He becomes the most powerful man in the UK, and then he will be unstoppable politically. He can do anything he wants.”

  East rubbed his jaw. “I say we can do it.”

  Bridge glared at him. “Are you insane? We are going to steal one of the largest diamonds in the world?”

  East shrugged. “Look, with the right plan, it’s possible. I have the tech we might need, and with Prince Lucas, we could do this. We just need the right plan.”

  Bridge turned to me. “Are you in on this?”

  I was distracted. My mind was on Livy and what she was telling Dexter right now. Was he going to go quietly? I was also worried about her safety. He had already proven he made poor decisions that had bad repercussions for her. You left her with security. Focus on this.

  My mates were all in. I needed to be too. Before I had started to fall for Livy, I’d had another priority and I needed to see that through. The difference was now I had something to lose. “I’m in. But we all have to be in, or we don’t do it. That includes Drew. We’re probably going to need his help.”

  Bridge cursed and sat back, staring at the ceiling. “So which one of us is calling Prince Lucas?”

  As I downed the rest of my fourth scotch it went down smooth, and I said, “I’ll do it.”

  Livy

  I had considered going to Telly’s, but I couldn’t get over the fact that Ben had known. The entire time we were in Paris, he had known about Dexter’s affair and he’d said nothing to me. What, he’d thought I wouldn’t find out? Why keep that from me?

  Think harder. That’s not why he kept quiet.

  I shook that voice of reason off. I was in no mood to be reasonable.

  The numbness had given way to anger by the time I pulled into my usual parking spot at London Lords. I’d ditched Todd in favor of driving myself. The low simmer had turned into barely banked flames. I got off the elevator, I ground my teeth as I marched. I had no idea what I was going to say. No idea what I wanted the outcome to be, but I wanted the goddamn truth, and I wanted to know why he’d kept those important facts from me. He was my friend, no, more than just my friend. And he’d let me be humiliated. He’d lied to me.

  I tracked him down at the loft and followed the lights until I
found him in his bedroom, in his closet. I’d never been in his room before. Even so I only barely registered that his closet was the size of the dining room and living room of my flat. Correction, old flat.

  I didn’t bother knocking, just shoved open the door. I was so furious, not even the floor-to-ceiling windows with the stunning view of Soho could distract me.

  His back was turned as he removed his watch and his head snapped around when he heard me come in. “Jesus, what the fuck are you doing here? You were supposed to call me to pick you up.”

  I glowered at him. “You knew?”

  His whole body sagged. “He told you?”

  “You fucking knew!!”

  Those embers under my skin became white-hot as I marched up to him and shoved him in the chest. My heels sank into the soft plush carpeting and made me unstable, so I stepped out of them and shoved him again.

  He didn’t budge.

  “You knew. You stood there, knowing what he’d done, humiliating me, and you kept it from me?”

  His eyes were soft as he searched mine. “I didn’t want you hurt.”

  “So you kept it quiet?”

  “What was I supposed to do? Hurt you myself? That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

  I didn’t realize I was crying until I tasted the salt on my tongue. “I was humiliated walking in there with no idea what he was going to hit me with.”

  His brow furrowed then. “I’m surprised he told you. I expected him to lie. Get you back somehow.”

  “He told me everything. He said you caught him at the fundraiser. Was it Andrea?”

  “I don’t know her name. I didn’t know until I walked into your flat on Friday who he was or what he meant to you. It took me a second to even register it. And I didn’t want to be the one to break your heart if you wanted him. I wanted you to have what you wanted.”

  “Bullshit. You’re a coward. You just said all this bullshit about being my friend, caring about me, but you let me walk into an ambush.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “I didn’t know he was going to tell you like that. And it wasn’t my place to tell you.”

  I knew he was being truthful. But it wasn’t right. I knew why he’d done it. He cared about me, and he did not want to see me hurt.

  “So you lied.”

  He shook his head. “I never lied to you. Not once. I didn’t lie about my feelings for you. I didn’t lie about what you mean to me. I didn’t lie about you being mine. I didn’t lie when I said that you had to choose. You had to choose me. I didn’t lie; I kept something from you that would have hurt you. It wasn’t my place to tell you something that you wouldn’t have believed anyway. Maybe I should have told you. I don’t know. It was impossible to know the right thing to do. And it was impossible to let you walk in that door without me, but I did it because you needed to make your own choices. Your own decisions.”

  I knew my anger was irrational, as were my tears. I shoved him again, but this time, he caught my wrist, his fingers gently pressing into my pulse. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “I walked into the flat feeling so guilty, knowing that I needed to put the final nail in the coffin because I hadn’t felt about him, ever, the way that I feel about you.”

  He closed his eyes and released a long breath. “What do you want from me, Liv?”

  I didn’t know what he was asking, and I scowled at him. “You don’t get to ask that. Not when you messed with me.”

  “I have never messed with you. From the moment we met in that fucking closet, you owned me.” He gripped my hips. “Tell me you’re done with him.”

  I nodded. “He cheated. And he lied about it. He made me think I caused the accident, and I didn’t. He tried to lay his addiction at my feet.”

  He gently released my hand. “Say the words, Liv. I need to be sure you’re done with him.”

  I shook my head. “I am never ever going back there. Unless it’s to pack myself up.”

  “I’m sorry you’re angry.”

  I could see the muscle in his jaw ticking. He was carrying his own anger and holding back from me. “You’re sorry? We spent that whole day together in Paris. You could have told me. You could have said something. Anything, like ‘listen, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it.’ You should have told me.”

  “As if that would have changed anything. You needed to make your choice. You needed to choose me.” His hands went up and gripped my shoulders. As big as he was though, his touch was still gentle, and I felt it, that tension coiling tight between us, pulling so taught it was on the verge of snapping.

  “How do you know I wasn’t going to choose you?”

  “I couldn’t take that chance because the moment you do make that choice, you and I are going to need to do something about it.”

  “Oh yeah? Like what?”

  His grip tightened ever so slightly. “You and I have unfinished business. So tell me right now, are you choosing me? Come what may, are you making that choice?”

  I knew he was right. I’d known it when I came here.

  Despite my anger, despite him keeping Dex’s cheating from me, despite the humiliation that burned in my chest, I had already chosen. Over the course of the last month, I had been choosing; I just hadn’t known it. I met his gaze and licked my lips nervously. “I’m choosing you.”

  The words tore out of him in a low growl. “About fucking time.”

  26

  Ben

  I’d wanted her for so long, I had no idea where to start.

  But she was standing in front of me, her lips slightly parted, and something in me shattered.

  Your self-control.

  My fingers digging into her flesh as I pulled her closer. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

  “Ben…” Her voice was pleading.

  “Fuuuck.” A groan ripped out of my mouth seconds before I crushed my lips to hers. We were far beyond exploratory and had tripped into desperate territory. A spike of electricity wound around my spine and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop until I’d had my fill.

  Livy moaned, molding her body against mine. Her lips were so damn soft, her tongue meeting mine tentatively at first. It wasn’t until her hands tightened in my shirt that I lost full handle on the situation.

  I growled, sliding my hands into her curls, tightening my grip and angling her head so I could sink in deeper.

  She accommodated me by parting her lips. That angel that had been on my shoulder before, the one telling me I couldn’t do this, telling me where the line was, telling me to keep her safe…well, the devil killed that angel. One deep and stroking lick into her mouth, and I eviscerated the line.

  She tasted so good. A little spicy, and a little sweet, and all Olivia. The little mewling sound she made at the back of her throat just drove me further. And I couldn’t think. I couldn’t process that she was really mine now.

  My lips refusing to leave hers, I backed her up out of the closet and into my room. I’d never had another woman in here, but I knew just how many feet it was to my bed. My mouth still owning hers, my hands slid down her back, over her arse, and then I hoisted her up onto my bed.

  God, she was so tiny and delicate in comparison to me. So soft in comparison to my sharp edges. I had to remind myself that I had to find some bloody control. It didn’t matter how much I shook with need, I needed to take my time.

  Yeah, good luck with that.

  My cock throbbed as she parted her thighs to make room for me. Christ—yeah, right fucking there. Behind my zipper, I throbbed, begging for freedom. Desperate to seek out her heat.

  Her tongue met mine in a slide of wet, silky warmth as she rocked her hips into mine. Every tick of her hips was a call. Could she feel how hard I was. Could she feel just big I was? Was she wondering if I’d fit?

  Jesus Christ, why was she so—

  The moment she scored her nails in my hair and over my scalp, a shiver of need rocketed through my body. The molten lava spread thr
ough my veins, singeing nerve endings as it went. When she sucked on my tongue, I bit back a curse.

  My hands dug into her flesh. I needed more. Wanted more. It was either touch her or spontaneously combust. Sliding a hand under the soft cotton of her top, my fingertips skimmed the supple flesh of her belly. So soft.

  With every brush of my hand, she trembled then arched her hips.

  We’ll get there, darling.

  But she had to be ready first. And while she thought she was there, I needed her clawing and climbing the walls first.

  When my fingertips traced over the edge of her bra, she arched her back, giving me better access. I teased the underside of her breast and her breathing came in shallow breaths as I stroked closer to her nipple.

  She tore her lips from mine. “Damn, it, just—”

  I shut her up with another soul-searing kiss, my thumb tracing over her nipple in slow deliberate circles.

  When I finally pulled away from the kiss, it was to nip at her jaw with open-mouth kisses. “You can try to drive this train all you want, Liv, but I’m at the wheel, and I plan on taking the long way around. I’ve been dreaming about this since I met you.”

  “Ben—”

  “Hmmm?” Gently, I rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.

  “Please…”

  “It’s only fair that I torture you half as much as you’ve been torturing me.” Kissing along the column of her throat, I murmured, “Do you know that all day I’ve been thinking about you, your tits, your taste. They are the perfect color of honey.”

  I kissed down her neck, to her clavicle. “I need you to do something for me, Liv.”

  “Anything,” she whispered on a groan.

  “Strip,” I barely managed to grind out. “If I strip you, you won’t have any clothes left.”

  Livy dragged heavy lids open and blinked up at me before licking her lips. “You take them off.”