London Royal (London Royal Duet Book 1) Page 15

  “Ah, I see. A little tit for tat.”

  I rushed to explain. “No. No, it's not like that. I just— It was sort of messy. Basically, he kept my dream from me. I’d spent the last five years with someone who made me feel like I wasn't good enough.” Not to mention being an abusive asshole.

  His voice was calm, modulated, and he stared directly ahead. “Five years is a long time. A lot to let go of.”

  I winced as the memories swirled on the edges of my consciousness. “Tell me about it.” I didn’t want to go into it, but I wanted to talk to someone. I was exhausted from holding it all in, so I told him what I could. “Turned out I had him pegged all wrong. Once I figured out my mistake, I sent him packing.”

  “So when did he figure out that you weren’t going to take him back?”

  “Probably when I changed the locks. I left a note letting him know he couldn’t get back into our place.”

  Lex coughed. “Oh, shit. What did the note say?”

  A smile pulled at the corners of my lips. “You have a week to move out. Call my sister for a key.”

  “That's it?”

  I shrugged. “Yep. He knew I was excited about the program. He hid my acceptance letter.” I used the back of my knuckles to rub at my jaw. “I hate liars.”

  Lex frowned as he swerved around a garbage truck. “I wasn't sure if I should believe you when you said you'd just packed up your things and showed up here. And pardon me for saying so, but he was a total wanker.”

  I shrugged. “Don’t I know it?”

  He slid a glance toward me as he pulled the car into traffic again. “How do you know it was the right thing to do? Coming here?”

  “I feel it. In my bones. For the first time, I'm really following my dreams.” My heart skipped faster as I spoke. “I'm making it happen on my own terms, and it feels fantastic. I've never been happier.” And that was the truth. For once, I didn’t feel like I was shutting away who I really was.

  “Your parents haven't called, begging you to reconsider?”

  I chuckled. “Oh, they've called. Mom has called so often I’m wondering what London’s stalking laws are. My sisters have called too. Dad sent an email or two, but he’s more worried about my schoolwork than anything.”

  Lex smirked. “Let me guess, they can’t believe you're making such a rash decision. And they’re convinced you haven't thought all of this through.”

  Laughter bubbled out of my chest. “It's like you have our place bugged or something. Hell, have you been speaking to them directly?”

  His grin was quick and made his gray eyes crinkle at the corner. “No. I'm not James Bond after all. Don't let the accent fool you. I'm just dealing with my own rendition of the same song. I'm likely about to be disowned if I do what I want to do and not what my father demands. Problem is I couldn’t really give a shit.”

  “Well, you need to have a plan. I have plans going all the way to Plan F—which I call failure.”

  He raised his brows. “That's a lot of planning. Tell me what Plan B is?”

  “Finish the program and get a regular job here in London. Even if I'm not doing my dream job, I'll still have a master’s degree. That should be enough to keep me going for a while.”

  “Going home isn’t an option?” he asked.

  My jaw smarted again. I wasn’t going anywhere there was a chance I’d run into Easton again. I shook my head. “You know, I've probably been holding on to it as a possibility, but the longer I'm here, the more I realize that I don't want to give up my dream for anyone.”

  “A woman determined to find her own path. I like it.”

  “And what about you? What's your path?”

  “How do you mean?” He hedged.

  “Well, I realize I don't actually know anything about you. Except you volunteer and you have a job. But you're somehow privy to all my deep dark shit.”

  His lips curved into a tight smile. “How about you play hooky with me today, and I'll tell you.”

  My heart thumped faster. I wanted more of that feeling of time standing still that I’d experienced with him on the roof and in Brixton. With him, I could spend hours and have them feel like minutes. But he wasn’t part of the plan. And he made me uneasy. He seemed nice enough, but then so had Easton. “I wish I could, Lex, but I have work to do. Lots of work.”

  “Well, do you have an actual class tonight?”

  “No, but...” My voice trailed as he deftly pulled in to a parking space. “What are you doing? I really do have to work today.”

  He grinned. “Then let me help. I'm good with my hands, and I've always been curious about photography. You can show me the ropes.”

  He wanted to hang out with me? A rush of blood heated my skin. You’ve just escaped domineering and smothering, is that really what you want again? I shook my head to dissipate the errant thought.

  Lex was not Easton. He was someone completely new. I didn’t have much dating experience, but even I knew I couldn’t let my past dictate my future. It didn’t matter that the two men had that same air of sophistication. They were not the same.

  Still, me and Lex in a confined space wasn’t a good call. The way the energy crackled around us both tempted and scared me. “Are you serious? It's pretty boring.”

  “I'm serious. Besides, I like spending time with you.”

  Oh, great. How was I supposed to say no to that?

  Before I answered, I needed to know something first. “Can I ask you a question?” I licked my lips nervously.

  His lips tipped into a lopsided smile, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Depends on the question, but go on.”

  “What deep dark secret are you hiding?”

  19

  Lex…

  For several hard-fought breaths, I wondered if Abbie had seen past my carefully constructed walls. Could she see the darkness locked inside?

  I frowned. When I spoke, my voice was even. “What do you mean?” A layer of frost dusted each of my words.

  Abbie cleared her throat, and her fingers played with the strap of her camera bag. “You’re different than most of the guys I know. You’re attentive and charming sure, but you’re also really paying attention to what I say. And you seem deeper than some of the other guys I’ve met here so far. But you won’t talk about yourself. And maybe it’s my limited experience, but most guys I know would relish the chance to talk about themselves. Instead, you probe into my head.”

  She dragged in a deep breath and tucked one of her slim braids behind her ear. “And I’m sure you’ve seen yourself in the mirror, and you’re not a total douche bag about it. Hell, you even played superhero for me. So, in light of all these things that make you seem pretty great, I’m looking for your fatal flaw.” She smiled sheepishly at me.

  I expelled the breath I’d been holding. That was what she meant? She hadn’t guessed that she should probably stay miles away from me? Well, I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. She thought I was too perfect? Too nice? It was certainly the last thing I’d been expecting her to say.

  “I’ve got flaws. And most of them aren’t too pretty. But for the most part, I just keep things close to the vest. Opening up is a little hard for me.” Especially with secrets like I had.

  She chewed her lip. “It is for everyone.”

  I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her everything. She’d run from me if she knew what I was. A killer. There was no forgiving that. “I’m working on opening up. But my fatal flaws won’t hurt you, I promise. I’m just a regular guy.”

  She climbed out of the car and laughed. “Says the guy in the fancy car.”

  I followed suit and reached for her bag to help her. “Okay, a regular guy with a few more toys.” And a fucking fake girlfriend. I’d never been more desperate to tell anyone the truth before. But I knew what was at stake for Gemma, so I kept my mouth shut.

  She eyed my outstretched hand. “You were serious about helping me?”

  “Is it so har
d to believe I would want to?”

  “A little. Yes.”

  “Well, I’m full of surprises.”

  She slid her camera bag off her shoulder and handed it to me. Our fingers brushed, and immediately I snapped my gaze to hers. The electricity jolted my body into instant alertness.

  She licked her lips and took a step away. “Surprises aren’t necessarily a good thing.”

  I smirked. She’d felt it too, but she was trying to ignore it. Well, if I couldn’t ignore how I already felt about her, there was no way I was going to let her get away with it. I was going to take my slice of happiness. It might be a bad idea, but I wanted to spend some uncomplicated time with her. Before I had to expose all my secrets.

  Abbie…

  “So why photography?”

  I glanced up and gave Lex a quick smile before returning my attention to the printer. Bit by bit, pixel by pixel, the image of a grinning krumper appeared. “I was pretty shy as a kid. One of my aunts gave me a camera for my seventh birthday, hoping it would help me cope with being around people and unfamiliar situations. I pretty much never put it down after that.”

  “From what I’m seeing so far, it paid off. You’re extremely talented.”

  “You should see some of the photographs in Xander’s class. All those guys are good. This one guy has landscapes to rival Ansel Adams. I mean they’re just so vivid and rich. When Xander said his name in class, it sounded familiar, so I looked him up. He’s had actual gallery openings. I’m a newbie in comparison.”

  “Well, I think you’ll do great. Just remember it’s about getting Xander to connect with the images, and you’ll be fine. It’s all about knowing what makes him tick.”

  I grinned. “And what? You’re offering to give me the inside track on your brother? I bet there’s a hefty price to pay for that.”

  His gaze flickered to my lips, and he cleared his throat. “Understanding my brother is easy. Xan says what he means and means what he says. Just show him something honest.”

  Oh, was that all it took? I ignored the twinge of guilt. This wasn’t cheating, it was learning how to reach my teacher. Besides, I was a photographer. My lens always told the truth.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He sat on the edge of the light table and turned the full brilliance of his silver gaze on me.

  Nervously, I tucked more loose braids behind my ears. “Why did Xander tell me to stay away from you?”

  He stiffened, and immediately I wished I hadn’t asked.

  He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why. But it looks like you’re not listening to him.”

  I wasn’t, was I? Or rather, Alexi had given me no choice. “Well, you are stalking me.”

  “Back to that again. Yesterday, you wandered into my hood, and today, I was just in the neighbourhood.”

  I rolled my eyes then chewed on my bottom lip.

  “What’s bugging you?” he asked, a light frown causing his brows to pucker.

  “I—Nothing.”

  “Liar. You always chew on your lip when something’s bothering you.”

  I narrowed my eyes. It made me uneasy to think he might already know me so well. “You don’t know me well enough to know that.”

  “Oh, really? I saw the same thing on the balcony when you talked about moving here. I saw it again yesterday when I hugged you goodbye. And now you’re doing it again. I’m pretty good at reading patterns. So, what’s bugging you?”

  I sighed. He wasn’t going to let it go. “What are you doing with me?”

  His smile was quick. “Right now, I’m helping you mat a photo. Fascinating work, by the way. I’m hoping you’ll let me take a turn at the printer next.”

  “Can you be serious for a minute?”

  “Sure.” He dropped his end of the mat board and tried to comport his features. “This good enough?”

  I shook my head and laughed. He was incorrigible. “Why are you chasing me?”

  His brows rose. “Is this chasing? I thought it was me spending time with a friend.”

  I crossed my arms. “You kiss all your friends like that?”

  The frown was back. “Oh, Abbie. You have no idea. The truth is I have no idea what it is you're doing to me. This isn't me. I don’t run around chasing anything in a skirt. You’re… different. And you’re bloody driving me insane.”

  I didn’t believe him. “Uh-huh.”

  He sighed deeply. “Every now and again, I think I can still taste you. Or I catch a whiff of your perfume. It’s… inconvenient.” He ran a hand through his thick hair. “Look, on the roof, that was the first conversation I’ve had with someone in a long time. A real conversation, anyway. Not one that was all surface talk or about what someone wants from me. I haven’t been that open with anyone besides my brother in a very long time… maybe ever.”

  My heart twirled in joy, but my brain was quick to bitch-slap it into submission. Easton had said things like that to me before, and where the hell had I ended up? Absently, I rubbed my cheek. “You don’t even know me.”

  “Maybe not, but I recognize you. You’re looking for something real. Looking for something to make you feel alive.” He shrugged. “I’m looking for the same thing. Doesn’t hurt that you’re beautiful.”

  Oh, he was good. I hid a smile. “And yesterday, in Brixton?”

  He pitched his voice lower. “I just wanted to see what it would be like to hold onto you for a minute.”

  I shook my head. “I'm not sure what to do when you say stuff like that to me.” I put up a hand. “Wait, not like I'm insecure or anything.” Even better, now I sounded arrogant. “I'm not over-confident either.” I sighed. Now would be a really good time for a muzzle. “In some ways you’re so like my ex. In other ways, so totally different.”

  “Different can be good.”

  He took a step toward me, and I automatically stepped back.

  “Remember, Abbie, I’m a completely different person. Whatever fucked-up thing sent you out of his arms, I’m glad you’re here. I’m not that bloke. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I licked my lips nervously. “I thought you said you wanted me to stay away from you.”

  He took another step toward me, and I took another step back. “I’m tired of being on my best behavior. And I’m not sure I can physically stay away anymore.”

  “Alexi, I—”

  He stepped directly in front of me, and I backed right into the bookcase.

  “It's easy, all we have to do is let go.”

  Lex braced his hands on either side of my head. When he closed the short distance between our bodies, my heart hammered, and I held my breath. Just once, I wanted to be able to be free. To be able to let go and enjoy him. To be able to live just a little. No rules, no control.

  “Look at me, Abbie.”

  I stubbornly kept my gaze pinned to his broad chest.

  His voice was a whisper that caressed my skin. “Abbie. It’s okay. Look at me.”

  The pleading in his voice broke my resolve. How was I supposed to resist gorgeous and seductive and pleading?

  When my gaze met his, his eyes were soft.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  20

  Abbie…

  My legs trembled as Lex’s scent wrapped me in a warm cocoon of mint and something woodsy. He smelled fresh and clean. Like the fresh start I needed. Like the man I wanted.

  I swallowed hard then nodded. My body wanted him, yet my brain was hesitant. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to get distracted. But here in the darkened photo lab, with the whirring of the printer for company, I wanted to lose myself, forget who I was. I wanted to lose myself in him.

  When his lips touched mine, they were firm and warm. Electricity tingled over my skin. His hands lifted to my face, and his touch was soft as he stroked my cheekbones with his thumbs.

  Heat flooded my body and my mind, and I couldn’t think about anything other than getting closer. I wound my arms
around his shoulders, then looped them around his neck. When I slid a hand into his hair, he growled low. His chest vibrated against mine while he deepened the kiss. With every slide of his tongue, my body softened and molded against his.

  Through my clothes, I could feel the stiff length of his erection nudging my belly, and I moaned. Need and desire flooded my body as Lex’s hands slid from my face to my hips. His grip was firm but yielding, as if he was asking permission for something. Eager to be closer to his warmth, I pressed my body into his, and his hands flexed. My breath caught when his thumbs started to trace a path along the hem of my shirt where a strip of my belly showed.

  Lex dragged his head back, and I mewled a protest. The answering uptick of his lips made my body contract.

  When he spoke, his voice was barely recognizable. As if each word had to be forcibly ripped out of his throat. “Is this okay?” He used his thumbs to trace a path along my flesh again.

  I swayed into him, unable to help myself. I couldn’t find any words, could only nod numbly as he played the pads of his thumbs over my skin. Fire tripped over every nerve ending, and I felt like I might actually combust if he kept touching me. But if he stopped, I was pretty certain I’d die.

  Lex’s gaze was hot and intent. The silver-gray of his eyes had darkened to nearly black. He cleared his throat. “If I do something you don’t like or aren’t ready for, just tell me, okay?”

  Again, I made a herculean effort to move my head up and down. Why was he talking so much? I needed him kissing me again. Needed to feel the zing of excitement, the need drowning out all other thought. The tingle and the pull of my body as it readied for him. I’d never felt anything like it in my life. And the good sense part of my brain tried to shout a warning, but I was in no mood to listen.

  But he didn’t resume kissing me. He just kept touching me with slow lazy strokes. “I need to hear the words, Abbie. Can you do that for me?”

  Shit. What the hell was the question again? There’d been kissing, then touching, then he’d pulled back and—Oh yeah, he’d asked me to tell him if he did something I wasn’t cool with. “Y-yes, I’ll tell you.” My voice came out all breathy and light.